too many miles between US

Dang! ima do the chasing now..

heyy. i keep on comin back today.. because i kno there are things that i need to pour out. or best to get rid off before it get rids of me.. how am i feeling after talkin to L?.. nah.. never been worse in my entire life.. I felt bad, after we talked.. weather its kool with him, or it didn't affect him.. either way.. i still feel sleazy.. and these feelings kill me..

I feel right now that yes! truly sumthings change.. (he kept on repeating that wen we were talking last sunday..he told me.. "ill never let you go.. things change".. i don't kno what he meant by those lines.. i don't kno how things changed.. does he love more?.. or he loves me less... whatever that is he's meaning to say.. I still feel miserable.. miserable.. that I want to stop talking to him.. that I want to hide myself and believe my instincts that he really doesn't love me.. not even close..

I acted dumb tonyt.. and I dunno why.. I sed things that upset me after saying it.. I sed words that is too uncalled for .. and i really feel MISERABLE.. or i guess more than that..
.. i first told him..

J: I missed having bf already
L: maybe manu can help u with that
well manu is the guy that he keeps on mentioning whenever we are chatting.. before he was teasing me to him.. and tried to conceal his jealous tone.. but right now.. he is actually want me to go for him.. and it really irritates me

... another dumb act..
L: mahal in the club.. is luv still mahal in tagalog ryt?
J: nah mahal is tae..
L: tae ka..
J: tae ka rin..
L: dang.. i thot u got class
and yeh.. right then and there. i wanna hide myself from saying those words.. i hate myself damn much.. would i still keep talkin to him.. i kno its quite shallow.. but yah.. I scored low when i sed those words... dang.. this is unbelievable.. far from being possible.. I mean it..

.. another silly act..

L: where are ur pics. go send
J: nah.. its not yet done..
L: why? models get their pics too.. that's wat u get after working with a gay.
J: nah.. don't judge my friend.. he's a cool gay.. and i lovee him..
L: i am just saying..
J: but i love uu more..
L: yah right..lol


see?.. how can he react so indifferently.. where in fact before, everytime we talked about our feelings. he instantly giving in or pouring out everything he wanted to share..but right now.. urrrrghhh.. i kno there's sumthin wrong.. i feel that.. and i have to make a move.. i don't want this sweet love to end like this..

.. September is like 4 mons away.. and I still have time.. to make things just the way it was before.. it's never too late.. to be sumone he likes.. ( nah that's wrong) he shud like me for who i am ryt?.. still..dang. ryt now.. ima do all the chasing.. ack!.. (to be continued)..